Once Then Always
by avioleta
Summary: "What are you doing here?" The boy grins. "Come now, Carlisle, don't you know your ghosts always find you on All Hallows' Eve?" Carlisle/Alec. Slash. Rated M. Canon, Post BD. Please see a/n for full warning.


Originally written for the **VampSlash Halloween Fest**. Not my typical pairing, but I hope you enjoy. Please heed the warning.

**Title: **"Once then Always"  
><strong>Author:<strong> avioleta  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Carlisle/Alec  
><strong>Genre(s):<strong> Canon (post-BD); vampslash; angst  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> explicit m/m sex and a bit of blood; please consider the pairing before reading. Alec is older yet physically younger than Carlisle. Not technically underage, but could be considered offensive nonetheless.**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>_The characters aren't mine. The words are. All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc., mentioned belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express authorization._

Carlisle stares down into the dark crimson liquid. In the dim light of the room, it almost looks like blood. Almost.

He bites back a laugh. Perhaps it's time to feed.

He takes a slow sip, allowing the flavors to roll across his tongue. Though the wine is thin and cheap (they serve nothing else in this place), it is still earthy, peppery, and smooth. He enjoys the pleasant burn of the alcohol as it warms his throat, his belly.

Esme would be appalled. But then she never understood his vices.

He drains the glass and signals the bartender for another, wishing (just for once) he could be drunk, that the alcohol would cloud his too-perfect mind, would make him forget, would make him numb. But, of course, the blood in his veins is not his own, and no amount of wine or whiskey will pollute it.

He sighs; the dark wine shimmers in the flickering light, casts a thin shadow on the table.

Some nights, he actually wants them to find him.

It would be a fitting punishment for his crime, really. And then there would be no more running. No more wondering _when_.

He doesn't sleep, but he still has nightmares. Sometimes he doesn't even have to close his eyes.

He sees Aro's eyes, looking up at him. They are pale and bloodied and always softly accusatory. He'd been shocked at first, but then his thin lips curved into a sickening and knowing smile. _'Of course, Carlisle, my child_' he whispered (as hands closed around his neck) _'You must protect your own.'_

Other times he sees his family. The little girl, still clutched in Bella's arms. Esme, eyes wide, a pale hand over her mouth. And Edward. Always Edward, resigned and tired (more tired than he's ever seen him), hand on his wife's back as he nods. _'Of course, you must go. We'll see you again soon.' _He'd smiled that easy smile then, though they both knew it might be for the last time.

No. He shakes his head, presses his palm to the worn surface of the bar. It had to happen. It was the only way. After all, he never had a choice.

He wants a cigarette but is certain the bartender won't allow it, even in a place as sordid as this.

He thinks about the miracle that is _his _child. He hates that she will grow up (too quickly, it seems), and he will not be there to see it. She will know what he did (for her, for her mother, her father), but she will not know him.

Minutes pass. The bartender checks his watch, wipes down the counter with a grimy rag. The bar is relatively empty at this hour.

He hears him approach and sets his glass down carefully. His breath catches. _Perhaps_, _finally_… But no. The boy is alone. Carlisle purses his lips, as he takes the seat beside him. He refuses to look, refuses to acknowledge his presence. Instead, he takes another sip of wine.

The small vampire watches him for several minutes. Carlisle can feel his eyes on him, searing and hot on his skin. He exhales a shaky breath but does not turn his head.

"Why do you do this?" the boy asks after several long moments, motioning toward the glass in Carlisle's hand. Full lips curl in distaste. "It can't actually be pleasurable, can it?"

Carlisle shrugs, leans forward to rest his elbows on the bar.

"I mean, the blood in your system is not _actually _your blood," the boy continues, "so the alcohol can't affect you." His voice rings with such conviction that Carlisle nearly laughs. Of course, he would never understand, but he looks at Carlisle, hands folded primly on his lap, and it is clear he expects a response.

"I appreciate the aesthetics," he offers vaguely, twisting the stem of his glass between pale fingers.

The boy rolls his eyes. "You were never one for practicality, were you Carlisle?"

He shrugs again. "What are you doing here?"

Alec grins, pink lips curving to reveal perfect white teeth. "Come now, don't you know your ghosts always find you on All Hallows' Eve?"

Carlisle narrows his eyes; he doesn't want to play this game. He's known the child for nearly the entirety of his immortal life, and he still has trouble reading him. Alec's expression softens slightly. He almost looks contrite. He reaches a hand out as if to touch Carlisle's arm but thinks better of it and quickly tucks it back between his knees.

"What are you doing here?" Carlisle repeats. His voice is cold and rather harsh, but he doesn't care. Not really.

The boy bites his lips; for a moment he looks unsure. "I had to see that you were safe."

His honesty startles Carlisle. He turns to look at him.

The boy glances down; wisps of reddish hair fall into his face. Carlisle resists the urge to brush them off his forehead. He swallows thickly. "Now you have." He picks up his wineglass again; the black red liquid glints against the curve of his palm. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why did you do it?" Alec asks suddenly; his voice is very small.

Carlisle says nothing. He knows the boy is grieving. He'd known Aro longer (and more intimately, perhaps) than even he had. After all, Aro sired Alec and his twin.

The boy breathes out slowly, watching him, unnatural eyes dark. His hands, graceful, elegant, and small are clutched so tightly together that his knuckles are white. "You foolish fucking bastard," his mouth twists savagely, a sneer marring his delicate features.

Carlisle hides his flinch; it always surprises him to hear such obscenities slip easily from Alec's childish tongue.

His eyes flash dangerously. "It was for _him_, wasn't it?"

"It hardly matters now."

The boy inhales sharply. It's clear he's struggling to maintain his composure. "But it _does_ matter." Petulance and something else entirely bleeds into his voice. "They'll find you."

Carlisle takes the last sip of wine. "It doesn't matter. It was the only choice."

Alec looks as though he might protest but says nothing. Instead stares moodily across the bar. Colorful bottles line the glass shelves along the wall (cerulean blues, jewel toned greens, and golden yellows).

Carlisle sighs. Sometimes he wonders if he did the right thing, if it really were his only choice. But it's far too late to change anything now.

Aro is dead. He is responsible.

"Did her shields actually work?" he asks after a long moment. "Were you really unable to get through?"

The boy shrugs thin shoulders but does not respond.

"Alec?" he prompts. He needs to know.

"There were cracks…" he trails off, pale fingers picking at the sleeve of his sweater, and he leans forward again, hair obscuring his eyes.

Carlisle waits for him to continue, but he does not.

"If Bella's shields did not work, why did you encourage Aro to stop the attack?"

The boy looks up at him scathingly, as though the answer should be obvious. "Because it wasn't worth it. _It wasn't worth you_." The last is said in a hissed whisper, a soft exhale of sound that Carlisle almost doesn't hear.

Something warm unfurls in the pit of his stomach (like alcohol, like blood).

"Besides," Alec says then, eyes fixed on his, "the child was innocent. She did not deserve to die."

Carlisle nods, sliding his thumb along the lip of his wineglass. He can't help but worry about his family, hope that they are still safe, alive. He has to think that they are. After all, they are the reason he has condemned himself to this life of exile, of fear.

But he hasn't spoken to anyone in seven months. He doesn't even know where they are.

"Why did you leave them?" the boy asks. And though his eyes betray nothing, his tone gives too much away.

Carlisle answers truthfully (doing his best to choke back the sudden rush of grief). "I had to." He's said it so many times by now, he almost believes it.

Alec nods, pushes a strand of unruly hair behind his ear. "You protect them. You always have."

"Marcus and Caius would have targeted them," Carlisle says, "just for being with me." He sighs and turns toward the boy beside him. "You know that. Now, though, I have to believe that they will be spared because I am no longer there."

The boy nods again but says nothing. He rests an elbow on the bar-top but immediately jerks back again, a positively horrified expression on his face. He tentatively touches one fingertip to the counter. "It's…sticky." He looks at Carlisle as if it's somehow his fault.

Frankly, Carlisle is rather impressed that the child has sat here this long. His tastes are absurdly aristocratic. Alec tugs his arms to his chest and looks around, as if he's only now noticing his surroundings.

The bartender emerges from the back storeroom, a case of beer in his arms. He sets it down on the counter with a grunt and then glances down the bar at Carlisle and Alec. His eyes widen in shock, but then his expression darkens.

He lumbers toward them, wiping thick hands on a dish towel.

Carlisle closes his eyes; he knows what's coming.

The man's nostrils flare. "Now I don't know what yer playing at, but he can't be in here."

Alec sighs loudly; Carlisle thinks he does exasperation quite well.

"Oh, _do_ stop worrying," he says, boyish tongue dripping with condescension. "I doubt I'll be drinking any of what you have to offer." With this, he lets his eyes slip appraisingly over the man's chest before they flicker back to his face.

Carlisle knows the exact instant the man notices (a sharp intake of breath, a step backward). His back hits the cabinet behind him; his heart is beating too fast (a thrum of blood in Carlisle's ears).

Alec sits perfectly still, red eyes unblinking. Then he smiles. His teeth are far too white and far too straight.

Carlisle watches him closely. Though he doesn't believe the boy will do anything foolish, he knows all too well what he is capable of.

The man gasps; he's gone rather pale. "I…I don't know who yeh think you are, but I'm telling you, if you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to throw you out." His voice is choked; his hands clutch the countertop.

Alec laughs, a childishly clear sound that is positively chilling. "I think not," he says calmly, cocking his head to the side. "In fact—"

Carlisle places a hand on his arm, and the boy stops. He looks down, brow furrowing as if in confusion. "Oh…okay." He looks at Carlisle again. "Perhaps we should take this elsewhere."

He stands. Carlisle pulls a twenty-pound note from his pocket, slides it across bar. The bartender hasn't moved. But when Carlisle places a hand on the small of Alec's back, guides him toward the door, he hears the man exhale, "_fucking pervert…freaks is what you are._"

Alec stiffens, starts to turn around, but Carlisle's fingers tense against his back. "No." And the boy nods once. Carlisle knows he won't be able to return, but it hardly matters now, not since the boy's found him.

Though the man (wisely) says nothing else, Carlisle can practically hear his disgust as they slip outside and into the cool night air. But he doesn't care. They rent rooms by the hour next door, and he's quite certain the man has seen worse than whatever he expects Carlisle is taking the boy off to do.

"How did you find me?" he asks as Alec hurries to match his longer strides.

"Oh _please_," he rolls his eyes. "If Marcus and Caius knew how predictable you were, you'd be dead already."

Carlisle shrugs. He's probably right.

He's staying in a rundown motel three blocks away. The building is squat and decrepit (nearly as wide as it is tall). It is not a place he would have ever considered going near before. But, of course, things are different now.

Streetlamps cast an orange glow on the slick pavement; Alec shoves his hands in his pockets and follows Carlisle inside.

The foyer is as dingy as the building's exterior. The once black and white tiled floor is gray with years' of dirt and dust and grime. A single bulb flickers in the fixture overhead, bathing the small entryway in sickly pale light. The night attendant behind the counter does not look up from his tabloid.

It's for the best.

Carlisle ushers the boy past, and they ascend the narrow stairs quickly. Alec keeps his arms pulled tight to his thin chest as if terrified that some of the squalor might rub off on his person.

Carlisle chuckles. "It's not contagious, you know."

The boy raises an eyebrow skeptically. "I'm not entirely certain about that." His pink lips curl as they reach the third floor landing.

Carlisle is quite sure he doesn't want to know what has stained the carpet.

"You certainly know how to pick a lodging," Alec scoffs, "don't you?" He sounds as though he's holding his breath (he might well be). Carlisle wouldn't blame him.

His room is on the fourth floor. They pause as Carlisle digs in his pocket for the key. Alec glances down the dim hallway (arms still wrapped round his chest). The carpet was once white perhaps, but after years of neglect it's soiled, threadbare, and stained.

He pushes the door open and flicks on the light. A single lamp illuminates the room. The shade is cracked and faded. He tosses his keys and wallet on the dresser and turns back to the boy. Alec is still hovering just inside the door, assessing the surroundings critically.

"What are you doing here?" he asks after a few moments. His lips press together, and his fingers tug at the sleeves of his jumper. He clearly believes that such appalling conditions should be enough to make Carlisle stop running, to hand himself over to Marcus and Caius, to whatever punishment they devise.

"You already know why I'm here, Alec."

"But surely you can afford much better." He traces a semi-circle on the floor with the tip of his shoe. "I was under the impression that your family was quite wealthy."

Carlisle bites back a laugh. The Volturi, of course, have the means to ascertain exactly how much the Cullens have in their accounts at any given time. That is one reason he chooses not to access his funds. "I'd rather not aid them in their search," he responds simply. "Money leaves a trail."

The boy scrunches up his nose as though he's smelled something foul. (He might have.) "But surely you can maintain a level of discretion without living in some sort of…" his eyes dart around quickly, "of hovel."

Carlisle doesn't respond. The boy wouldn't understand anyway. He stands there, fingers curled in the hem of his sweater, watching him.

"Why did you do it?" Alec finally says, repeating the same question he's already asked. He reaches out hesitantly to touch a fingertip to the peeling floral printed wallpaper, making no attempt to mask his distaste.

Carlisle wants to laugh. The boy has never been anything but horribly spoiled. He shrugs. He already answered this question. "I had to." He doesn't want to have this conversation again. He doesn't want to talk about Aro. Not now. Not ever. And certainly not with Alec.

"But you didn't," the boy says, and his voice catches slightly. He glances down at the greasy carpet and, for a moment, he looks so young. Carlisle almost feels sorry for him.

"I did."

"No…no," his voice breaks again, and he closes his eyes, sucks in a ragged breath, tries to compose himself. "He was stopping. You'd won." His voice is soft, broken. All at once, he sounds as young as he looks, and Carlisle's chest aches just a little.

"You know as well as I do," Carlisle says softly, taking one step toward him, "he does not stop…would not stop."

Alec looks up, his expression is pained, but he says nothing.

Carlisle continues, "he conceded the battle, but he does not give up that easily. He would have come back." He takes another step, reaches out, drags a finger along the boy's jaw. "It was never over."

"I…" Alec stops, eyes fluttering closed. "I hate that he's gone."

"I know."

"You loved him."

Carlisle nods. "In a way, yes. But there was no other choice."

The boy does not open his eyes. "I hate that."

"I know."

Alec stands perfectly still; Carlisle slides a hand down his arm. "He was mad."

"I know."

"They did not deserve to die."

Alec catches Carlisle's hand in his; his thumb traces a circle on the back of his wrist. "I know." He looks up again, red eyes dark and dangerous. "But I hate that you did it for _him_."

"For all of them."

The boy shrugs. "For him…and his wife and his child."

"They did not deserve to die," Carlisle repeats.

Alec bites his lip (pink flesh caught between perfect white teeth). "No. But neither do you."

Carlisle says nothing. He holds the boy's gaze firmly in his own.

"I don't want to lose you too," Alec whispers after several long moments. His chin trembles slightly. Carlisle wants to cup it between his hands.

"You won't."

"Marcus and Caius—"

"Will tire of this chase eventually. They will return to Volterra. They will forget about me."

Alec nods but does not look convinced.

Carlisle takes off his coat and lays it carefully over the back of the room's only chair. The boy watches him closely. He hasn't moved.

"I still can't believe he's gone," Alec says after a long moment. He rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet and licks his lips; he presses his knuckles to his mouth. "Oh God, Carlisle… Why did you do it?" He whispers the words, and then there are hands on his shoulders, pushing and pulling, and teeth at his neck, sharp and painful. "Why did you do it?" he says again, and his voice is cold and harsh but tinged with something heartbreaking and desperate.

"You ruined everything," Alec half cries, half sobs against his throat. And then his tongue is there, licking a line up Carlisle's jaw. "How could you?"

Carlisle's hands tremble as they settle on the boy's waist, large and heavy and awkward as Alec quakes against him, breath ragged and wet against his skin. "Don't you know how much I needed him? How much I need you?"

"I know. I know," he gasps out, fingers smoothing over the boy's forehead, pushing ridiculous lovely red blond bronze hair out of his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

And the boy kisses him, clumsy and needy and more teeth than lips or tongues.

"Oh…_oh _God…" Carlisle wrenches himself away, breathless and shaking and lost, lost.

"Are you…are you all right?" Alec asks. His hands are tugging at Carlisle's top button, and then his mouth is pressing hot kisses along his collarbone.

And no, _no _he's _not_ all right because this thin slip of a boy never fails to devastate him. "We can't. We shouldn't." But Alec is grinding helplessly against him, and he can feel his cock, hard and young and moving, moving against his thigh.

"Yes, yes we…_oh fuck…_" the boy hisses, hips still rocking. "Do you—"

No. He doesn't. He can't, but he's dry mouthed and aching, and his fingers dig into the perfect curve of the boy's arse, holding him closer as he continues to grind and grind against him.

"Beautiful," Carlisle breathes, and he is surprised his mouth has managed to form the word. "You've always been beautiful."

And the boy is still (still) moving, small hands clutching tightly at his arms, untidy head thrown back, pink lips parted softly. "Car— Carlisle…_oh, oh God_," and at the feel of warm wetness against his thigh, Carlisle has to bite his lip to keep from coming in his trousers like a teenager, like Alec, shuddering against him.

"Oh…_oh_," the boy is still moaning, as he trembles, boneless and weak-kneed in the aftershocks of his orgasm.

And Carlisle can't stop touching him (though he shouldn't…he _shouldn't_). But his fingers smooth over round, flushed cheeks, trace the pale column of his lovely neck, slide down thinly muscled arms to lace their fingers together.

"What are you doing here?" Carlisle asks the question this time - once he can think, once he can breathe, once he can speak again.

"I told you," the boy sighs, "I needed to know that you were safe."

"And that information is readily available to you." Carlisle's voice is thick and rough. "You will surely know the moment I am captured. Until then, it would be reasonable to assume I am safe."

"Yes. But that's not quite the same now, is it?" Alec is still touching him, fingers curling around his wrist to stroke smooth skin underneath the sleeve of his shirt. "I've missed you."

These last words are barely spoken (a whisper, a faint huff of sound). Carlisle is not sure he's actually heard them, but something flashes in the boy's eyes, and Carlisle recognizes it instantly, knows he's heard correctly.

Alec's expression changes again. The boy's moods are mercurial at best. But then again, children are rarely known for consistency. His lovely terrifying eyes darken slightly; it makes Carlisle's stomach twist and his cock throb (don't come, don't come). He doesn't let go of the boy.

He should pull away. He should not let this happen again (not now, not ever). Still, he can't help but cling to the small body (like ivy, like vines).

It's wrong. It's beyond sinful. (Another reason among a thousand why he's surely damned.) The boy is a child, despite how long he's been that way. And Carlisle shouldn't want what he wants.

He swallows thickly. "You shouldn't be here."

But Alec tugs Carlisle's hand to his waist, and he can feel firm muscles slide under his palm. The boy leans in, and he can feel warm cold breath ghost across his neck. It's familiar and intoxicating, as Alec's mouth brushes over his.

Once. Twice.

He pulls back slightly and can feel the boy's mouth on his cheek, and that simple sensation draws forth a multitude of memories he's tried hard to suppress. They skip across his mind like stones, some smooth, some jagged cutting and sharp, but all brilliant (like a spark of flint on rock, hot and hard and shining).

His chest is too tight; it shouldn't be this difficult to breathe.

"Stop," Alec whispers. "I know what you're thinking. And we've been over it before."

"I can't. We shouldn't."

"Yes, we should." He laces his fingers through Carlisle's again. "You weren't even my first. You know this." Alec never fails to bring this up, and Carlisle is not sure if he means to reassure or simply make him jealous. If it's the latter, he's successful.

"I don't know why you continue to beat yourself up over it, over wanting me," he continues, thumb stroking along the back of Carlisle's hand; he closes his eyes. "After all we've done. After all this time." This is whispered, a gust of breath against Carlisle's neck, and the boy pulls his hand to press against the front of his trousers, damp and sticky, and _oh, _oh God.

He remembers their first time perfectly (memories mirror sharp, crystal clear) just as his flawless mind recalls every time since. He'd hated himself for wanting him. Hated the boy for wanting him, for letting him touch him taste him tease him fuck him. And he hated even more that he hadn't been the first to do those decadent delicious depraved things to him.

"I'm glad he'll never touch you again," he gasps, capturing the boy's mouth in a brutal kiss. "No one else should touch you."

Alec's breath hitches as the possessiveness in his tone, but still the boy whispers into his mouth, "come now, Carlisle, you know Aro would have never touched me unless I wanted it."

"I know. And I will always hate him for it."

The boy's forehead creases. "Yes, but you have me now."

Carlisle sucks in a breath and can't help but want _want… _He swallows thickly, and Alec tugs his hands to his waist, settle his hands on Carlisle's hips, thumbs pushing at the waistband of his trousers.

And they're kissing. (Alec's mouth is soft and sweet and achingly familiar.) Teeth scrape against lips, and Carlisle's hand smoothes over the curve of the boy's arse, tugs him closer. The other curls around the boy's neck, palm warm against smooth skin; his fingers thread through bronze hair, as Alec lifts his face up for another kiss.

Carlisle is not tall (Edward is taller…), but Alec is (will always be) a head shorter. Still, he seems to fit perfectly against him. His palm smoothes down the boy's spine, slips under his sweater so fingers can splay across his back. And he always knows, despite wanting to forget, exactly how the boy feels against him – the soft expanse of skin, the narrow jut of hips, the press of a thigh between his.

Their tongues slide together, slow and soft, and Carlisle remembers exactly how he tastes (as if it's been minutes, not weeks, months, years). Alec's arms are around his waist, and they stumble together until they're on the narrow bed. The coverlet is scratchy and no doubt filthy, but he doesn't care because the boy's legs are around his waist; his heels dig into his thighs. Red eyes look up at him hotly.

Carlisle cups his face between his hands, mouth moving against his as they kiss and kiss again.

Alec pulls away, sits up long enough to tug his sweater over his head, toss it onto the floor. His hair is mussed. A reddish blond strand sticks to the corner of his mouth. Carlisle brushes it away. The boy's lips are wet, already red and swollen, and his cheeks are flushed (a lovely pretty pink).

Carlisle exhales shakily, as small fingers undo the last of his buttons, push his shirt off his shoulders.

His tongue slides along Alec's lips, skims across his teeth, drags over his throat, as he rolls his hips into the boy's. He can feel him hot and hard (again) against his thigh and shifts his hips, presses down against that hardness, gasps as their cocks slide together again and again.

Alec rolls them over. Carlisle likes how strong he is. A benefit of his particular diet, but it makes him think, perhaps, that he's not so young.

The boy sits up on his knees; the zip of his trousers strains against the swell of his cock. Carlisle licks his lips, his fingers already pulling at his belt while Alec's hands slide down his chest, tug his shirt out of his pants.

Palms skate over his abdomen, cause Carlisle to shiver, suck in a breath.

"Alec," he gasps, rocking his hips underneath the boy's.

"Missed you," the not child says, leaning down to lick to the corner of his mouth. "It's been too long."

"I hate wanting you like I do," Carlisle admits, hand brushing over Alec's cheek. He can't stop shaking.

His usually so steady hands fumble with the boy's flies, push apart the plackets of his trousers. Dark wool frames the wet white of his pants.

Carlisle can see the smooth pink red curve of cockhead peeking over the waistband. Alec grabs his hand, pushes his palm down to his arousal. They both groan as he grinds against their fingers. Carlisle slides his thumb down the line of his erection, warm and hard through thin cotton.

Alec arches his back, pushes hips forward into the press of his hand. "Please," he breathes.

Carlisle slides his trousers and pants down, and Alec kicks them off as Carlisle's fingers slip over the curve of a narrow thigh. "Yes. Touch me."

His throat is dry as his hands pluck at buttons, yank at the boy's shirt. It hangs off his shoulders, the tails fall open over Carlisle's lap as Alec straddles him. Carlisle shifts his hips and cannot remember how to breathe.

"Touch me," the boy says again, head falling back, red lips parting. Carlisle slides a hand down his chest, fingers brushing over a hard pink nipple. Alec bites his lip, curves his spine (a half moon-shaped arch). His cock is small and flushed against his stomach. Carlisle leans up, presses a breathless kiss to his forehead, his shoulder (_yes, oh yes…_).

He swirls his tongue in the shell of the boy's ear. He's aching, desperate and the boy's fingers are there, sliding his zip down, slipping a warm palm in to curl around his prick.

He hisses, arches up, and the boy bends over, presses his mouth to the tip of his cock. Carlisle gasps, as his perfect tongue licks around the head, slides down the shaft, and then curls around him, wet and warm. "God, yes…_more" _he moans, bucking up, fingers twisting in the boy's bronze blond hair. And he hates that he wants the boy to suck him, to make him come, and he hates it even more that the boy's done this to someone else…that he's not the only one.

He was not the boy's first. No. Aro took care of that. But Alec was his. His first (his only), but the boy doesn't know, will never know.

The boy is gorgeous as he licks Carlisle's cock, wet tongue sliding along the underside, swirling around the head before his mouth opens, swallows him again. Carlisle traces the hollows of his cheeks with trembling fingers, and Alec sucks him slowly, lips sliding up and down until he hits the back of his throat (but he doesn't gag).

Carlisle's hips jerk up; he can't help himself, and suddenly he knows he's about to come.

The boy pulls back, letting his cock slide out of his mouth with a soft pop. "I want you to fuck me," he breathes, and Carlisle inhales shakily, presses himself up on his palms, and kisses him. He can taste himself on the boy's lips, musky and thick and _aroused_.

"Do you have anything?" Alec asks, arching his back, pushing his hips against Carlisle's.

"In the bag," he gasps, as the boy bends over, fumbles beneath the bed for the small vial of oil. His fingers shake a bit as he uncaps the bottle. It spills over his fingers, runs down his hand. He reaches down between his legs, smoothes small fingers over his opening. Carlisle hisses at the sight, watches as the boy pushes one fingertip inside.

"God, yes…" he groans, hand curling round his own cock. "Get yourself ready for me."

"You like this, don't you?" the boy asks, head thrown back, fingers pressing, pushing, slipping inside his body.

"Yes…_yes_."

"What do you want, Carlisle?" he whispers, fingers fucking himself slowly. "Tell me what you want."

Carlisle holds his breath. He slides his hands down slender arms. He loves the play of muscle under too smooth skin. Alec's lovely body had only just begun to fill out all those many ages ago when he was turned. And Carlisle hates that he loves, wants, _needs_ this body (forever caught between adolescence and adulthood).

"I want you to ride my cock." He laces his fingers through the boy's, slicks his hand with oil. The boy shudders, gasps at his words. (Sometimes Carlisle pretends he's innocent, pretends he hasn't had all this before.)

He slides his now slick hand along his aching cock, smoothing his palm over the head, then he grasps the boy's hips, holds him still, and Alec reaches between them to line himself up. Slowly, _slowly, _he lowers himself down, and Carlisle inhales shakily, slowly as the boy slides down, inch by inch.

Finally he seats himself, splays his knees wide, and Carlisle can't help but roll his hips, close his eyes.

"Oh…_oh_ God," Alec breathes, throwing his hands back, bracing himself behind, and he is so tight and warm and _young_, that Carlisle has to grit his teeth and try, try not to come.

"Fuck…_fuck yes_…" he gasps, jerking his hips up as the boy moves on top of him. Carlisle hisses, clings to the boy's waist to hold him still as he thrusts up and up again.

"I thought you wanted me to fuck you," the boy moans, eyes wide, pupils dilated.

"Yes, please…" he manages, hands falling away.

The boy bites his lip, twists his fingers in the duvet and rises up, knees pressing tight against Carlisle's thighs. Carlisle moans as Alec pushes down, lifts up again, again.

"You like that, don't you?" he gasps, rolling his hips, arching up, sliding down over Carlisle's cock.

"Yes…_yes…_make me come." Carlisle is shaking, stomach muscles clenching, and he can't help but push up against him. He reaches out to curl his fingers around the boy's lovely cock, but Alec bats his hand away.

"No…no, don't." He moves faster, harder, as he lifts his hips and falls again, prick bouncing wetly against his stomach.

Carlisle's hands clench (nails bite into his palms), his thighs tremble, and he cries out, "I…fuck Alec, oh God…"

He comes hard, mouth open, hips jerking beneath the boy. Alec groans, tensing around him, making Carlisle gasp again. And then he's coming too, small cock spurting; thick warm strands smear across Carlisle's stomach, onto his chest. His legs tremble against Carlisle's sides, and his head falls back (bronze lovely hair slides over his eyes).

The boy slips down against him, languid and spent. His chest heaves and Carlisle smoothes a hand over his back, feeling the slick soft perfect skin under his palm.

"Perfect," Carlisle breathes. Always perfect.

They lay together for a while. Carlisle's fingers trace the boy's ribs, slide across his thin chest.

"I think I could love you," Alec says, voice soft and smooth, "if I were to love anyone at all."

Carlisle sucks in a breath. He thinks, perhaps, his heart clenches a little. His heart, damned and useless, quiet, forgotten, cold. But now (perhaps) he thinks he feels it shudder.

He stands up.

The bedsprings groan as the boy rolls over. He props himself on one arm, cheek resting on the palm of his hand. The sheets twist around his hips. He watches Carlisle steadily as he dresses, pulls on his trousers, untangles his shirt from the pile on the floor.

Carlisle lights a cigarette. The tip glows red orange in the dim light of the room. He inhales deeply; smoke coils between his fingers.

"But I'm certain I will never understand you," the boy says, standing. He lets the sheet fall to the floor. Carlisle takes another deep drag to hide the sharp intake of breath. He really is beautiful.

"That is, perhaps, even more disgusting than your choice of rooms."

Carlisle inhales again, enjoying the way the smoke burns his throat, his lungs. For a moment, it almost makes him warm (away from the press of the boy's skin).

Alec frowns, pink swollen lips curling in disgust. "Surely _they _would not approve." His words drip with derision. There is little love lost between Alec and the Cullens.

Carlisle doesn't care. The boy bends at the waist, tugs his pants back on. Carlisle can't help but notice the way the fabric slides over narrow hips, clings to the curve of his perfect arse. "I do a lot of things my family would not approve of, when I'm away." He lets his eyes slip down the boy's still bare chest before tracing a circle around one pink nipple with a fingertip. Alec can't repress the shudder.

"It's positively vile. That and the drinking." His eyes narrow and he steps back slightly, "like some…human."

Carlisle laughs, a harsh sound, even to his own ears. He holds the cigarette to his lips again and exhales a thin stream of smoke into the boy's face. Alec coughs then glares at him. Carlisle finds he quite likes the way his small mouth curls in disgust. He takes another long drag before stubbing the cigarette out on the window ledge. The dingy curtains twist in the crisp breeze.

The night is suddenly too quiet.

Carlisle does the last of his buttons and straightens his collar before calmly fastening his cuffs. He sits down on the narrow bed (sheets now rumpled for the first time, since he's occupied the room) and laces his shoes. "Perhaps you should dress," he says.

The boy still stands at the window. His trousers are undone, damp and wrinkled. His shirt hangs off narrow shoulders. Alec shrugs, fingering a purpling mark just above his collarbone.

Carlisle smiles at the indentation of teeth. Faint pink scratches crisscross the pale planes of the boy's flat stomach and disappear beneath the fabric of his shirt.

"I think they know," he smiles a bit wistfully, fingers tracing a line along the dusty windowsill. "You have never been able to resist me, after all."

Carlisle laughs, slips the last of his few personal items into the small duffel bag he carries. "No, I suppose not."

Alec cocks his head to one side, blond bronze hair sliding into his eyes. "Aro used to laugh, you know…" Something painful twists in Carlisle's gut at the name, but he keeps his expression carefully blank as the boy continues, "he said you picked _him_ because his hair was exactly the same shade as mine."

He says nothing. Even if it were true, he would never admit it. Not out loud at least.

Alec purses pink lips and regards him thoughtfully. "He's too old, though. You didn't find him soon enough."

Carlisle frowns. He's never liked this line of questioning. "It doesn't matter."

"No," the boy says, red eyes glinting rather maliciously, "I suppose it doesn't." He steps closer to Carlisle. Too close.

Even though he's just come, he can feel his cock swell again. Alec laughs, smoothes small fingers over the noticeable bulge. Carlisle hisses, and the boy tilts his head up to slide his tongue along his jaw. "You'll never have _him_ the way you have me," he whispers, lips against Carlisle's throat.

"No," he agrees, clutching at the boy's hips, pulling him into one more brutal kiss. "I don't suppose I will." Carlisle runs a palm down his chest (smooth and hairless and perfect perfect…).

He glances at his watch. "They're nearly here." It's not a question.

The boy is silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, I had to. Jane only let me slip away because she knew I'd come to you." He ducks his head, face half hidden in shadows.

Carlisle nods, "I know." His thumb circles the jut of a white hipbone. "I'm glad you found me. But I have to…"

"Yes," the boy cuts him off. "I know." He looks up again, leans his head back, exposing the perfect pale column of his neck. "He was young."

Carlisle runs his tongue along his throat, and the boy gasps. "Not like me, of course. But sweet." He tangles his fingers in Carlisle's hair. "I knew you'd like him."

Carlisle's mouth is already watering. He has never fed from a human, but he can excuse such a…necessary indulgence.

Alec cries out when his teeth pierce soft skin; his body tenses for an instant, and then he relaxes against him with a sigh. Carlisle shudders at the warm rush of blood over his tongue, in his mouth, as he slits open the vein.

It's exhilarating and intoxicating and addicting all at once.

The blood is rich and sweet. The boy was right, of course. It is perfect (honey slick, and golden rimmed) as it washes down his throat. Carlisle pulls Alec's thin body against his; the boy's lips part, red eyes flutter closed.

Carlisle pulls back, gasping. He's fully hard again, and Alec slips a hand between them, stroking him slowly. "You do like it," he says dreamily, eyes opening again. "I knew you would."

"Of course I do, brat," he responds softly, affectionately. "How could I not?"

Alec exhales, a gentle puff of air against his throat; his fingers press against Carlisle's cock through the wool of his trousers. "I knew you would," Alec repeats, looking up, eyes glassy and bright.

He titles his head to lap at Carlisle's lips; blood coats his tongue, paints his mouth a cherry red. "It is lovely, isn't it?" he sighs decadently.

"Yes," he agrees, hands framing the boy's face, "as are you."

"Where will you go?" he whispers against Carlisle's mouth, voice soft, becomingly slurred.

"Away from London." He curls his hands around the boy's slim hips, pulls him impossibly close. "I…"

"Shhh…" Alec presses a finger to his lips, "it's all right. I don't really want to know."

Carlisle nods. "I'll find you."

"I know."

Small fingers curl into Carlisle's belt loops, and he sighs as Alec slips a thigh between his legs, rubs against him (languidly, catlike). His head lolls slightly, and he smiles lazily.

Carlisle slides his tongue along Alec's neck, catching the blood that still seeps from two perfectly placed puncture wounds. His skin is soft and creamy smooth (like butter, like milk), and though his round cheeks are flushed (with exertion, with arousal), he is unnaturally pale.

He steps back, willing his breathing to calm, willing his erection away. But it's futile, of course.

The boy tilts his head, regards Carlisle through half-slitted eyes. "Come now, love. You're not stopping, are you?" He runs a finger down the side of his neck.

Carlisle's breath catches. "But you, I…" his tongue stumbles over the words as Alec steps closer again, splays warm palms against Carlisle's chest.

"I don't want to take too much."

"Don't be absurd." The boy gives him a withering look. "That _is_ rather the point, isn't it?"

Carlisle hates that he can't disagree.

The boy smiles sweetly, looping his arms around his waist. Carlisle kisses him, an unhurried slide of lips and tongue. "You have to go soon," Alec murmurs against his mouth.

"I…I know." He's shaking as he sinks his teeth once more into Alec's young flesh, groaning as warm, sweet thick blood rinses over his tongue (oh_, oh God…_), and Carlisle knows this is what drunkenness must truly feel like (delicious, unrestrained, divine).

The boy sways against him, eyes fluttering back into his head. Carlisle clutches at his hips, holds him upright, and continues to drink and drink.

Finally, he pulls away, smoothes his tongue over Alec's neck to seal the wound.

"Don't," the boy breathes, voice shaky and slurred. "Leave it."

"But—"

"No. It must be convincing."

He nods, presses his mouth to Alec's pink lips once more, and he sighs (sleepy and dazed), his small body limp in Carlisle's arms. His head falls to the side; his eyes drift closed.

"Don't let me fall."

"Never." He lowers the boy to the floor, just as he hears movement on the stairs. Carlisle sweeps his thumb along his jaw, his lips, and Alec moans but does not move. Carlisle knows he's taken everything he had to give. He is strong (immortal of course), but he will need time to recover. He is helpless now. He will need to be fed.

He presses a last kiss to the corner of the boy's mouth before moving to the window.

Carlisle slips out just as the door bursts open.

"Alec!" He hears his twin's high-pitched shriek, as he falls to the street four floors below.

And then he is gone.

_**Fin**_

a/n: Thank you to vampslash for hosting. And thank you to everyone who encouraged me to write such a deliciously twisted pairing.


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